1991 Quick Kick

Posted on April 22, 2024 by Nekoman

1991 Quick Kick

I’ve sometimes questioned the criteria fans use to determine what is a “new” figure and what counts as a “variant” of an existing figure. Quick Kick is an interesting example of that, where six years apart from his original release, he was sold as a mail-away figure. The mail-away figure however, has different colors, a new file-card, and is made in Brazil, compared to the ‘85 release that was made in China. It’s usually considered a variant, but by that logic it isnt’ much different than considering a ‘22 Retro Cobra Officer a variant of the ‘83 Cobra Officer, is it?

Quick Kick is a character (and figure) I don’t really think about a whole lot, which feels kind of unfair to him, as I don’t really hate him either. I think he just comes across as being a bit too silly for being a barefoot figure, and also lacking the extensive ninja-lore built around the Arashikage. Neither of those are really bad things though, as he’s a pretty good “silly” figure, and there’s enough of the Arashikage ninjas to make me sick. Other than that, I think the main reason he’s absent from my mind most of the time is just because he shares an original release year with Flint, Footloose and Dusty, and several other classics that mostly overshadow him.

‘91 Quick Kick amounts to being an Estrela figure, complete with having way more vibrant plastic colors as a trade-off for being slightly more brittle than the plastic Asian factories typically used. There’s a very fine, hair-line crack on one of the thumbs on my copy, which I purchased for the parts and mint paint. Got ‘em for nothing back in the early 10‘s, and thought I’d just swap the bad arm for one off another cheap, incomplete Quick Kick, only to quickly discover that the two figures were virtually incompatible. At the time, I didn’t know about the “variant”, and the figure I bought was just listed as 1985 Quick Kick, so I didn’t realize until later that the two were so different.

The flesh tone isn’t even just slightly different on this figure, the change is almost parallel to the difference between Falcon and Red Dog. The ‘85 figure was already a fairly odd skin-color for his time, which was probably intended to help make him appear Asian compared to his contemporaries. It’s a fairly ghoulish color, being so pale and kind of sick looking. The mail-in version is way more saturated and tan, an almost peachy color. His belts and pouches are also slightly brighter, though not nearly to the extent of the skin. Of course, something that probably helps exaggerate the difference once again comes back to the Brazilian plastic formula, which is less prone to discoloring than other Hasbro plastics.

For accessories, he comes with the same katana, nunchucks and backpack as before, just now with slightly flimsier plastic and other slight differences. Always thought the nunchucks on this figure especially (and to a lesser extent, V1 Storm Shadow) looked a little too small for me to take them seriously, but I suppose that’s the rare downside to the tiny-accessories era. His sword on the other hand is great; it’s nicely scaled and even stores in his backpack. It’s really too bad we never saw this part more at any point.

You can easily get one of these, often still sealed in his bag for $20 or less. To a certain extent I feel like this mail-away version is easier to find than the original figure, which might just be an effect of how much overstock went into the hands of collectors as opposed to spending their lives getting beat-up in the back of mom’s Chevette. It also probably doesn’t help that Quick Kick feels like the forgotten Fast Draw of what’s otherwise probably Joe’s most popular year, but either way I’m glad that a good version of a classic character remains cheap in current times.

1991 Quick Kick Links:

Forgotten Figures

Attica Gazette

3D Joes

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1985, 1991, ARAH, Quick-kick | 1 Comment

1994 Alley Viper

Posted on April 15, 2024 by Nekoman

1994 Alley Viper

I turn 30 this year, which doesn’t mean much to me. Though it did get me to thinking I should round off a few more posts on the Joes that turn 30 this year, which proves to be more and more difficult of a task as I’ve already made posts on a bunch, and there aren’t that many to choose from. So, I’ll finally write about the 1994 Alley Viper I have access to, since that one’s fairly interesting in a kind of meta-sense.

Doing things out of order a bit, I’ll start with the figure’s pricing. 1994 Alley Vipers are somewhat rare (I could say less common, because anything you can find a couple examples of on eBay at any given time probably isn’t truly “rare”) and absolutely insane-expensive. Last auction for a complete striped variant (made in China) hit $136, the more common stripe-less variant (made in Indonesia) still hits around $40 as long as it has the face mask. Of domestic, mass-retail single cards, that makes this version of the Alley Viper one of the most expensive figures in the entire line, probably out-priced by the red Ozone (who is genuinely rare), and roughly tied with Predacon by my best guess.

So is this R@RE GI Joe worth it? Nah, not really. This is another figure that’s still owned by my brother, not me, and although Alley Vipers have always been popular with both of us, I always saw this as a subpar remake of the ‘89 figure. As a kid it was kind of fun to pair them together, as he looked similar enough to the original that it could work. Later in life any money I had for Alley Vipers went off to the 2000’s repaints or to the V1 figure, as this guy was just a little too bland to garner much interest from me.

The colors are similar to the original, but if you compare them in-hand, they’re definitely not the same. The orange and blue colors are both slightly brighter, so even the orange is a slightly more eye-searing tone than the comfy shades seen on the original. Obviously one’s not more realistic than the other, but the ‘89 figure just looks better, especially for the blue color complimenting the orange. I will say I find the gold details on the torso pretty nifty, though it’s not a very strong contrast.

The accessories are similar to the 1993 figure, but you don’t get an Alley Viper backpack because Hasbro loves cutting corners. So included here is a mask, Dial-Tone SMG, Version 2 Alley Viper gun (thick foregrip), a shield and a figure stand in super bright orange, along with a missile launcher in bright blue. I don’t mind some neon weapons, but I do dislike it when they match the figure’s primary color. In this figure’s case, it makes him look like a solid orange blob, when blue or gold would’ve been a lot better.

Oh yeah, I kind of touched on it at the beginning, but I’ll highlight the two variants of the figure again. V3 Alley Vipers were made in both China and in Indonesia, with the Chinese ones featuring an extra paint-application on the legs compared to the Indonesian ones that lack it. It’s similar to other variants from the same year like with Stalker and Dial-Tone and a few others, where seemingly one factory wouldn’t have access to the same paint-masks as the other. It’s actually pretty boring, but nerds are thirsty for anything that could be considered a novel and rare colectibible.

Figures like this that just sort of became expensive suddenly are something I find baffling. It’s very hard to understand and seems to be occurring in more niches than just vintage GI Joe, so it appears to be a bit of a broader social phenomena as opposed to something more inherent to our collecting. Lock-down noobs seem to have mostly blown off in most spaces, particularly last year. Inflation really shouldn’t make old toys more expensive either, though it should be making things harder for all but the upper-class (meaning prices should go down). The only other interesting social anecdote I can think of, is that a lot of guys are dropping out of marriage. It stuck in my head when I read this, because hags and kids tend to eat up a lot of money, that now probably goes to male-dominated hobbies like this one instead. Guys not getting their routine divorces from some gold-digging trophy wife probably also plays an effect, since it seemed like every other eBay auction I won in the 2000‘s would be described along the lines of “Getting divorced and have to sell everything.”. That’s probably not entirely it either, though society finding itself in a bizarre and increasingly dysfunctional state could have some role in it.

1994 Alley Viper Links:

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1994, Alley Viper, ARAH, Battle Corps | 3 Comments

1992 Wild Bill

Posted on April 8, 2024 by Nekoman

1992 Wild Bill

Hey look, it’s the iconic cowboy’s second iconic figure, iconic GI Joe Wild Bill! …Some random fleeting sense of indignation towards a word I feel like I hear too much lately, though honestly I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anyone call this figure iconic. Maybe on Facebook, but who knows, almost every GI Joe figure has someone who insists on it’s profound design. This version of Wild Bill is a pretty well done toy, but I don’t have much nice to say about him just for the sheer silliness of the design.

When Hasbro started expanding the roster of characters they revisited to more than just Cobra Commander and Snake Eyes in the late eighties, it was generally to good benefit for some early Joes that were often made on smaller budgets. Say what you will about the First 13 being iconic, most of those toys were insufferably bland and benefited from getting more unique representations in the later part of the line. A few of the 90‘s redesigns don’t suit me so well though, with probably my least favorites being Firefly and this Wild Bill.

The original Wild Bill, wasn’t a perfect figure, but the design was close enough to a decent military fatigue with just enough cowboy paraphernalia to give him some flair. The worst thing about him, was that his head made him look like a King of the Hill character. Wild Bill V2 is the opposite, where the best thing about the figure is the head, and the rest of his outfit is made to look similar to an 1880 Cavalry uniform… Even then the sculpt is sharp and well done, but the look comes across to me as a militant cosplayer, which is a bit too kitsch for my tastes.

His colors are a little weird too. The card art shows him as having bare elbows, but the toy renders that part in yellow, also making them the only parts cast in yellow plastic. The rest of his yellow details are painted over the dark black and blue pieces, which bugs me a little as it makes the tone slightly different. Most would probably moan at the yellow being here at all, though on the “bright” side, it makes him a nice match with his contemporary Wet-Suit. Likewise, his other colors match up pretty well with Roadblock, and the complimentary colors are always a fun thing. I think oddly enough the black pants are what bugs me the most; They make the Cavalry uniform reference a bit weaker, but also make him look less like his Sunbow appearance, which the blue and yellow are a nice match for.

For parts you get a nice kit, including: a spring loaded missile launcher, a hat, a “Colt .46 side arm”, a knife and a backpack that holds it, all cast in light brown plastic (besides the launcher and hat). I’ve yet to determine what, if any real gun was the basis for his gun. I assume the file card labeling it a Colt gun is just a reference to the Colt revolvers that were famously used through the Civil War. This is certainly not one of those however, as it has a magazine feed in front of the action, as well, the entire gun is quite long and encased mostly in wood furniture.

A mint, complete V2 Wild Bill is worth about $15. Typically the knife is what’s missing, though he still doesn’t go for much in spite of that. There’s two other repaints of this figure, including the ‘93 version that just swapped the black pants for white ones. I somewhat assume this has helped inflate the number of accessories you find for him floating around. Currently, I find myself in a weird place with this figure, where I don’t really like him, but I don’t really hate him either. He’s almost perfectly mediocre, but maybe someday I’ll go for one of his repaints.

1992 Wild Bill Links:

Forgotten Figures

3D Joes

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1992, ARAH, Wild Bill | 3 Comments

1987 Pom-Pom Gun

Posted on April 2, 2024 by Nekoman

1987 Pom-Pom Gun

Happy April Fools nerds, and in the tradition of this blog I highlight something goofy, but in earnest. So here’s the Pom-Pom Gun, part of the Motorized Action Packs. Somewhere between a vehicle and an accessory, each each Action Pack had a wind-up gimmick, where you give it a good few twists and let it do whatever it wants. Most of these look incredibly silly, hence why I chose it for today.

In spite of that, the Pom Pom Gun is only mostly silly? It’s basically just a little motorized gun emplacement, so there’s really nothing terrible about that at face value. About half of the Motorized Action Packs were pretty neat like this, with the real comedy-gold being the Motorized Vehicle Packs from 1988. So there’s sillier things to write about, but I’ve never sought out any of these, and only own this Pom-Pom Gun by chance. Before resellers took over the market, something I used to love about lots was the typical acquisition of some oddity I’d normally never pursue.

It operates in two forms: On the ground with the handles turned backwards or on a figure’s back, connected via a standard backpack peg. On a figure’s back it looks pretty uncomfortable, and I can’t quite imagine anyone firing it this way. Of course, it’s comically heavy even in action-figure form, so good luck getting a figure to stand with it. Hasbro tossed around figure stands so much back in the day, but didn’t seem deem one necessary here.

Deployed to the ground, it actually looks okay. Unfortunately the aforementioned backpack peg faces the front, which is a bit distracting. A figure is required to hold the gun up in a firing position, which makes using it somewhat of a balancing act. The grips are also thicker than I like using, but it might be a little more stable if I wasn’t scared of breaking a thumb on a novelty item 37 years from it’s release.

To the best of my knowledge, these were priced about the same as a figure when they came out: a little less than $3. You don’t get much here for that price (in eighties money, it’d be okay now of course), and it’s odd when you consider that something like Zanzibar with his Air Skiff was only a dollar and a half more. Other decently sized vehicles were only a few coins more expensive than this. For me, it’s pretty hard to imagine a kid going into Sears or wherever and choosing any of the Motorized Action Packs over one of their contemporary vehicles, just for the sheer difference in size. It’s a poor upsell, which I presume is why they opted to start bundling similar items with premium priced figures in the 90‘s (Sonic Fighters and DEF).

If you wait for an auction, you can get one for less than a dollar. If you want one for whatever reason and can’t wait, they sell for around $6. Suffice to say, these are the GI Joe toys nobody ever wanted, not when they came out, and certainly not now. Personally, I might add a few more to my collection; they do have a very nice retro feeling to them, and break up my often stagnant Joe world for a low price. Though, I’ll probably forget I said that in a week or two and never make good on it.

There’s No Other Content with This Thing, so Here’s my Other April Fools Posts:

2004 Dreadhead Joe-Bob

2001 Big Brawler

1993 Dinohunters Dinosaur

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1987, ARAH, Pom-Pom Gun, Vehicles | 3 Comments

2004 Venom Striker ATV

Posted on March 26, 2024 by Nekoman

2004 Venom Striker ATV

If you’d believe it, at one point in my life I felt really bummed out that I didn’t pay more attention to the Spy Troops and Valor vs Venom figures. When I started in on 25th Joes in 2007, I discovered the Dollar General single cards that were still floating around, and went around picking up a small collection of those to play with. They weren’t as good as 25th Joes, but for $3 a piece, I was willing to lower my standards. Checking the net, I saw what seemed like a plethora of vehicles that had by then vacated retail, to my regret. The Venom Striker ATV was something that stood out to me, in particular.

Yet, I’m not here to tell you about how this was a lost era of great vehicles, actually the opposite: this thing is lame. Kind of. A common argument you see against the 6-inch scale is “But at that size, you can’t have any fun vehicles!”, which I find funny since Hasbro’s hardly produced a handful of decent designs since ARAH died in ‘94. The Venom Striker ATV is a good example of what I mean, as while the design is relatively simple, it’s also inferior in almost every way to a simple retool of the Ferret from twenty years prior.

The two vehicles are similar in a lot of ways, right down to having almost the same profile, at least when you ignore the gunner station of the back of the Venom Striker. I feel this invites more unflattering comparisons than you’d see for something like the Quick Strike, as while that vehicle had a similar design philosophy, it’s also more unique, so it’s harder to point to something from ARAH to show the 2000‘s design’s inferiority.

Many basic features on the Venom Striker ATV seem to be sacrificed in favor of spring loaded nonsense, sound boxes and missile launchers. At the very least one thing I wouldn’t call the vehicle is cheap, as they loaded down with little gimmicks that certainly cost some money. It’s just that the gimmicks compromise almost every aspect of the vehicle. It’s sound box for example, is problematic in multiple ways: One, is that they put a delicate electronic in a vehicle that’s inherently built around outdoorsy play. ATV’s are something I associate with rolling fast through mud and rivers; something probably damaging to the toy’s electronics. Secondly, the underbody of the vehicle is almost a total square: The cool and aerodynamic frame of an ATV is completely bowdlerized here, represented as something that probably has the ground clearance of a forklift. Thirdly, the wheels don’t turn, and there’s no functioning suspension. The vehicle can only roll straight forward, and due to it’s weight, it can’t even roll very fast. Although it’s much more robust than the Ferret, this one quality alone makes the Venom Striker an embarrassing showing.

It gets worse: The gun station in the back is spring-loaded, and can’t even be aimed freely on it’s horizontal axis. It’s also fairly flimsy, and the top half off the guns pop off just while posing a figure on it. Another big flaw is the size of the handle-bars: they’re huge! Even the included Cobra CLAWs can barely hold onto either set of handle-bars, and turret controls are also stupidly far apart on top of that. I was shocked when I first obtained the Venom Striker years ago at just how poorly done the turret is, as it feels like it’s the highlight of the vehicle in terms of design, yet it’s also almost deliberately hampered in such strange ways. Playing with this vehicle is like having a corporate suit standing over your shoulder, micromanaging every aspect of how you use it.

Still, I never knew any of how bad this thing is until just a few years ago. I didn’t pay attention to GI Joe when it came out, and a few years after it was gone, I had only crumby photos on a few sites to judge it by. From that, it looked great, and it jived well with a mind that had played a few too many shooter games featuring fantasy ATV’s with big gun turrets in the back. ATV’s seemed like they were really trendy around the time this came out, which really only further calls into question why the quality here is so poor.

So what’s the Venom Striker ATV worth? What’s it “worth” indeed… You can get a BIN with no trouble for $10, though that’s almost always missing the Cobra CLAWs that came with it. It should probably be worth less than that, but auctions are far and few between. Still, this is a shabby vehicle; I enjoy having it as it brings me a since of closure from a curiosity I had years ago, but otherwise it’s probably one of the crappiest 2000‘s vehicles I’ve handled.

2004 Venom Striker ATV Links:

None… But if you have some cool photos of it somewhere, you can throw ’em in the comments.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 2004, Valor vs Venom, Vehicles, Venom Striker | 4 Comments

2000 Law & Order

Posted on March 18, 2024 by Nekoman

2000 Law & Order

The 2000‘s ARAHC line is pretty boring when taken in as a whole, which I think is part of why contemporary collectors of the time tend to hold it in low regard. I personally like the toys pretty well, but that’s because I got most of them years after the fact for pennies, mixed in with other 2000‘s repaints that gave me better variety. It changes your perspective a lot, as a bunch of grimy brown and grey figures seem more fun when mixed with oddities from 1997 or the Valor vs Venom 6-packs. Still, most of these figures make me strain for words on this blog, so I think that points to them being pretty boring, even if I like them okay.

V1 Law & Order was released three times by Hasbro, and fortunately all three color-schemes are pretty good. At a time, the 1987 figure irritated some people for the orange shirt (which doesn’t seem like it should matter much for an MP), but the subsequent Sonic Fighters figure and ARAHC figure fix that, giving him a totally neutral color-scheme. So if you prefer a Law who’s a little less flashy looking, you have two good options that are also nicely distinct.

Taking a broader perspective, it’s nice that he exists, but these colors are pretty boring. His jacket is navy while his pants are a mahogany brown, but whenever I recall this figure, I just remember him being solid brown (incidentally, the Funskool version is solid brown). The color choices themselves aren’t bad, though if the contrast was a bit stronger I think he would not seem like so much of a blur. If the blue was a closer tone to Sure Fire or the Dusty he came packaged with, it would’ve been better. For that reason, I see the figure as mostly inferior to the nicer ‘90 release, but I appreciate him either way.

Law’s head sculpt is based on Kirk Bozigian, which is an interesting bit of trivia. It’s on the softer end of ‘87 sculpts, but the figure looks pretty good overall. 1987 was a real sweet-spot for sculpts, as we saw the bulbous heads of ‘86 being walked back, and the designers had also moved past the sometimes odd proportions of the ‘85 line. It was also well before the often busy looking designs you saw in ‘89 and later, so figures like Law have a simple, down to earth look like most of the early Joes.

For accessories, you get his helmet, uzi, Law, a leash, and baton, the full Law & Order V1 load-out. The accessories are all similar to the originals, but a wee-bit different: this time the uzi comes in silver, the MP design on the helmet is different, and notably Order has more paint. The last one should be a good thing, but I think Order might by the weakest Joe-dog of them all. Mostly, it’s the expression: it has much more of lip-curled and dejected look than the intense growl seen on Junkyard and Timber. The pose and fur are both nice, though he’s not my favorite pet for his face.

2000 Law & Order is still cheap… When you find one cheap. Practically all of the figures you see for sale are carded examples, and are almost exclusively BiN’s. Still, auctions for the carded set with Dusty (who’s pretty neat, too), only hit around $16, and fair-minded sellers will sometimes only ask for $20 if it isn’t an auction. Since he has the original accessories, it makes this figure a decent option, though just in terms of colors, the last two were probably better.

2000 Law & Order Links:

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 2000, ARAHC, Law, Law & Order | 3 Comments

1985 Tele-Viper

Posted on March 11, 2024 by Nekoman

1985 Tele-Viper

The Tele-Viper is cool figure to me, both because the sculpt was familiar to my childhood and because he’s a classic Cobra from the best year. He goes with the Viper like peanut-butter and jelly, and in general works with a lot of different Cobras. Yet the figure’s not underrated, rather, he’s closer to being one of the worst figures from his release year. There’s some stiff competition in there that makes that a relative statement, though I think it’s fair to say the figure is flawed.

I really like the Tele-Viper, always have. My first experience with the mold was the Python Patrol version my brother had, and although he also had a Python Guard and Python Trooper, the Tele-Viper is the only one I really ever remember playing with. Someday I’ll get around to writing an incoherent diatribe about the Python Tele-Viper, but at the very least I’ve had an attraction to the sculpt since I was a kid, and I think that’s owed to the design being very good. For a dude lacking a proper weapon, Tele-Vipers tread that perfect blend of sci-fi fantasy mixed with a solid amount of military realism, mostly favoring the later.

In other ways though, the sculpt on this figure sucks. The sculpting is all over the place and feels to me like a “worst of both worlds” situation of problems that are stereotypical to both ’85 and ’86 figures. First, his head is ridiculous. It’s bigger than a Viper’s head despite having most of his face exposed! I always just sit there imagining he must look like Alfred E. Neuman when he takes his helmet off. This a problem I associate more with ‘86 figures, as that seemed to be the year where pumpkin-heads really took over the line.

The rest of the figure’s sculpt is much more typical of a 1985 figure, both in the way of featuring a more modest military fatigue but also for having somewhat janky proportions. I’ve made it no secret that I think ‘85 was the strongest year of figures overall, but something I feel goes somewhat overlooked is the proportional inconsistencies among the body sculpts. In the case of the Tele-Viper, he has a slightly more slender waist in contrast to somewhat bulkier shoulders. It’s a lot different from Footloose or Torch, who have waists so thick relative to their legs it almost looks like they’re wearing diapers. The issue is only apparent with ‘85 figures, as both the ‘84 and ‘86 lineups look far more consistent.

Probably the biggest appeal of this figure is how cohesive he is with a Cobra collection. To me, the Tele-Viper feels like he goes with anything, almost to an extent that I’ve not often felt the need for a huge army of them. I usually just use them to support larger squads of Vipers instead. I think he was clearly meant to look good alongside the Viper, though his simple outfit doesn’t look horrible alongside Troopers and Officers. The early use of Cobra purple lends itself well to later figures like the Techno-Viper once that color became more common, so in some ways he’s a versatile Cobra that looks good with almost anything.

For parts, you get a backpack, a camera gun, and a hose to connect ‘em. Very passive for a terrorist, you’d think he’d have some kind of small gun sculpted onto him somewhere, but no, the Tele-Viper comes with no lethal weapons, usable or otherwise. That said, the camera gun is a lot of fun, and any part that connects with a hose just seemed so much more aesthetically pleasing. He basically has one single thing he does, but it might not be a stretch to say he does it better than Breaker or other similar figures.

There’s not many repaints or variants of the Tele-Viper mold to track down. After the Python Patrol version, the mold went to Brazil and was released by Estrela in colors similar to the 1985 figure. The blue on this version appears really, really bright, and there’s an extra red paint application around the belt buckle. It’s not much, but enough to seem interesting on an underutilized sculpt.

Tele-Vipers still go for very sane prices, between $10 to $15 for a mint, complete figure. For a classic army-builder, I’m a little surprised by that, though I spent plenty of time roasting the figure just now, so maybe those feelings aren’t so unique. Like Tripwire and some others with painted faces, his nose is prone to chipping and revealing the dark plastic underneath, which is something to look out for.

1985 Tele-Viper Links

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1985, ARAH, Tele-Viper | 4 Comments

1988 Sgt. Slaughter

Posted on March 4, 2024 by Nekoman

1988 Sgt. Slaughter

I don’t know a lot about wrestling, and generally speaking I don’t like celebrities either. So normally I’d be against anything to do with a celebrity crossover inside my precious military fantasy, but the Sarge is an exception. To me, Sgt. Slaughter is a GI Joe icon; He’s the face of the brand in a way Duke could never be, partly because he encapsulates something of 80‘s culture* that’s lost now. Also, he’s on Twitter and is incredibly nice to GI Joe fans to this day, so it’s hard not to like him. With that said, here’s the less-seen V3 Sgt. Slaughter.

*One of my vague statements that’s probably more amusing left to interpretation. A team of elite American soldiers recruiting a famous wrestler to be their drill sergeant, and help them win fistfights against ancient aliens and terrorist leaders made from the DNA of history’s baddest dudes, is so over-the-top and unashamedly macho. GI Joe seemed a lot less like propaganda for the war machine, but rather a collection of anything cool that would make a boy’s imagination run wild. Ninjas, laser guns, big tanks, killer robots, ninja women in tights, some heavy metal lookin’ dudes; tossing in Sgt. Slaughter kind of gives you the essence of the brand in a nutshell. It’s also something they’ve never recreated in the roughly four decades since.

This Slaughter was the included Driver for the Warthog A.I.F.V., which is a pairing that only makes sense when you think about that fact that Slaughter probably helped move a ton of these vehicles off shelves. With the Triple T, that felt a lot more like an excuse to upcharge for Sgt. Slaughter, but at least with this version he’s actually included with one of the best vehicles ever made. 1988 was a good year for GI Joe in general, but the vehicles especially were better than average.

1988 Sgt. Slaughter stands apart from the first two releases by switching out his more standard outfits for a stereotypical GI Joe design. The result is something that feels well integrated with the line at the time, at the cost of seeming much more generic than the previous two Sgt. Slaughter figures. This version of the Sarge looks like it could easily have been some random Joe just with a head swap, which is a good thing or a bad thing depending upon how you look at it.

It’s a strong figure besides being mildly generic though. The sculpt is nice and sharp, especially around the chest with those bullets and a few other details. The head’s a little large and soft, but it doesn’t bother me too much, since he has a removable hat. Normally I’d prefer a sharper sculpt to a removable piece of headgear, though one of the strengths of this figure is that he’s different enough from the last two Slaughters, so the compromise is worth it in return for something new.

Speaking of the hat, it’s his only accessory, so that’s about it for this paragraph. Kinda weird he’s got an ammo belt sculpted onto him and nothing it goes to, but later vehicle drivers tended to cut corners like that. My introduction to the GI Joe media was an old VHS recording of GI Joe:THE MOVIE, and the Terror Drome infiltration scene was always one of my favorite parts. I think because of that, I tend to pair him with Cobra weapons I imagine he’s stolen while fighting behind enemy lines. That’s how I rationalize the bullets too: He picked them up as spare ammo after raiding a Cobra armory.

1988 Sgt. Slaughters are harder to find than others, and are somewhat pricey at the moment, consistently hitting between $20 to $30 for a good example. Being an ‘88 figure that’s tied to a mid-sized vehicle probably means there’s less of them out there, though the relative scarcity would be offset by the fact that this is the least memorable Sgt. Slaughter figure (I put Slaughter’s Marauder’s ahead of him, since at least he had a sub-team named after him). This is a lot more than I paid for my example years ago, but the seller’s market fades slowly, and Sgt. Slaughter appeals to more than one fandom, so it makes sense.

1988 Sgt. Slaughter Links:

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1988, ARAH, Sgt. Slaughter | 5 Comments

1986 LCV Recon Sled

Posted on February 26, 2024 by Nekoman

1986 LCV Recon Sled

Back in the day before eBay was saturated with flippers desperate for small change, you could get good deals on figure lots. Sometimes this made for some acquisitions one would normally not go out of their way to pursue, like large armies of Frag Vipers. Another time I got a good deal on a lot of Mega Marines, which also featured the LCV Recon Sled, a vehicle I normally would have never touched if it wasn’t tossed in for free.

The LCV Recon Sled is horribly awkward. It looks like you should be able to put a figure on in a few different ways, but most of the time they just fall off if their arms aren’t deeply planted in the little holes under the canopy. When a figure is riding it, their legs always tend to spread out in an odd way that looks unnatural. It’s funny too, because it’s hinged body is supposed to allow for “adjustable riding positions” according to the box, but it doesn’t really change much. Also, elevating the hinge makes a horrible snapping sound, and also makes it balance less well. Pretty lame.

The Joes have a very Rambo perspective on what the word “Recon” means, at least with the three guns the LCV Recon Sled’s toting around. Two machine guns are mounted at the front of the vehicle, and there’s a rotating cannon in the back. Amusingly, the cannon only rotates vertically a few degrees, and the machine-guns are fixed onto the front without moving at all! The fact that the weapons can’t be aimed makes them seem chintzy and more tacked-on, but it probably would’ve been too boring without them.

One of the most perplexing oddities of the vehicle is the date-stamp. It’s right up in the front, with big bold text where you can’t miss it when viewed from that angle. I didn’t realize until recently I’m missing the headlight that goes on the vehicle, but with a flaw like that I’m not sure I’m all too fussed about it. There’s room under it’s main body for the date-stamp, so I’m not sure why they put it in such an ugly spot.

All of these problems aside, I can’t really bring myself to hate it, and there’s a few cool aspects to it too. Most notably it’s a nice aesthetic match to the HAVOC; which is a little odd, since the HAVOC already has a hover-craft, so why does it need a recon bike/sled thing? Either way, it’s nice having a little more of that spacey-military thing they were doing in ‘86. The overall shape is distinct and looks kind of cool, which is more than you can say for the Marauder (Though, that’s digging pretty deep to find something worse.).

There’s something else to it, but I have a hard time describing it: The simplicity of 80‘s Joe, maybe? It’s hard to say anything nice about this thing, but scrolling through the worst ARAH vehicles still makes me jealous of that 80‘s kid experience. Keeping things in perspective, it’s a shitty vehicle, but it’s not that shitty, and it’s something that was cheap enough you could’ve had it for a day you got sick or while visiting grandparents. Go to a WalMart now (practically the last toy store…) and you won’t find anything like this anymore. The sled deserves some ridicule, but modern toys and culture has a sobering effect on the scraps from 4 decades ago.

A decent LCV Recon Sled runs in the $10 range, for a few more dollars you can get one with the blueprints or even the box. The periscope is usually what’s missing, though it doesn’t really make the vehicle expensive when it’s intact. It’s a lame little vehicle and the pricing still reflects that, though as a freebie I’ve probably gotten my money’s worth out of it.

1986 LCV Recon Sled Links:

Attica Gazette

3D Joes

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1986, ARAH, LCV Recon Sled, Vehicles | 4 Comments

1989 Muskrat (Night Force)

Posted on February 19, 2024 by Nekoman

1989 Muskrat (Night Force)

Collectors really suck the fun out of things, don’t we? The Night Force is one of those subjects: It’s an undeniably cool sub-team, but seeing mass produced children’s toys hit upwards of $200 makes one call so much into question. Are they that rare? Are they that cool? Are they that much better than the normal versions that are barely worth 10% of that? The hype around them makes it hard to really form an objective opinion on the toys, regardless of it’s good or bad.

Muskrat here could be chalked up to one of the more mid-tier Night Force entries. The original ‘88 Muskrat was already an especially strong figure, and this recolor doesn’t change that very much. A major positive is that he now features an extra color, where V1 Muskrat was entirely green with some black details, Night Force Muskrat now has black pants that contrast with his blue vest and various olive details. The olive and black colors are pretty standard fare for the Night-Force, but the dark blue was a more unusual choice, only appearing on Muskrat and Charbroil from the same year. It looks a little Cobra-esque to me, but I like it; it makes the group more interesting for the addition. Also, for whatever it’s worth it’s almost the same color later seen on Battle Corps Muskrat (who I hate).

I think the added color makes him a tiny bit better than V1 Muskrat. Despite that, the difference in quality is negligible, and were it not for the fact that I got this one in a nifty lot, I’d probably never pursue him. He doesn’t really do anything that a normal Muskrat doesn’t already look good enough doing, and I really don’t have a compulsive desire to own everything Night Force like I might feel for Tiger Force or Python Patrol. That’s not to say anything bad about this figure, but he just seems kind of interchangeable with a normal figure, compared to the more theme-heavy sub-teams. I’ve sometimes wondered if Night Force was meant to stand on it’s own a little less, given their limited nature as TRU exclusives and the fact there was barely enough figures to fully crew some of their vehicles.

An oddity about these figures I’ve encountered is that they always have either super-tight joints or broken leg-pins. My Muskrat has a dead knee and Crazylegs had two, but my Tunnel Rat is so tight I get scared posing him. The plastic on the figures feels solid, so it’s not like the Slaughter’s Marauders stuff, it’s just like the plastic tolerances themselves were off. Or maybe I’ve just not been lucky with the four or so figures I own, you guys tell me.

Muskrat includes a Benelli Super 90 shotgun (Some folks call it an M3 or M4, but the M3 wasn’t even produced until ’89.), a machete and a boogie board just like the original, just now all in black. The original had a baby-blue machete, so it’s a bit of an upgrade, though these parts showed up in a lot of places in black. Numerous ‘93 and ‘94 figures had similar accessories, so this one’s not really unique for that. The boogie board is unique, but also not really something I find much value in having, since I never use the green one either.

So the last Night Force Muskrat, with all of his parts, went at auction for $204… Incomplete figures trend between $70 and $50, with the boogie board being the hard part to come by (makes ya wonder about all those machetes and shotguns). The part I find bewildering, is the sort of vacant reasoning for why you’d pay that much for this figure. He’s cool, but for $200 wouldn’t you want an exotic foreign figure, or maybe some odd mail-away? A squad of rarer army-builders? A convention figure? Even with current pricing, there’s a lot of more interesting items you could chase in that price bracket than the Night Force repaint of a relative no-name. The world wonders.

1989 Muskrat (Night Force) Links:

Forgotten Figures

Half the Battle

3D Joes

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1989, ARAH, Muskrat, Night Force, TRU Exclusives | 4 Comments

1991 Quick Kick

1991 Quick Kick Links:

1994 Alley Viper

1994 Alley Viper Links:

1992 Wild Bill

1992 Wild Bill Links:

1987 Pom-Pom Gun

There’s No Other Content with This Thing, so Here’s my Other April Fools Posts:

2004 Venom Striker ATV

2004 Venom Striker ATV Links:

2000 Law & Order

2000 Law & Order Links:

1985 Tele-Viper

1985 Tele-Viper Links

1988 Sgt. Slaughter

1988 Sgt. Slaughter Links:

1986 LCV Recon Sled

1986 LCV Recon Sled Links:

1989 Muskrat (Night Force)

1989 Muskrat (Night Force) Links:

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